Understanding Grief

Understanding the Five Stages — and Why They're Not the Whole Story

6 min readSeptember 2, 2026

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published On Death and Dying, introducing the world to what became known as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. For decades, these stages shaped how we talked about — and expected — grief to unfold.

But here's what's often left out of that conversation: Kübler-Ross herself, in her later years, expressed concern about how rigidly the stages were being applied. They were never meant to be a checklist. They were observations — patterns noticed in some people, some of the time.

Grief is not linear. It doesn't move in stages. It moves in waves — sometimes crashing without warning, sometimes receding so gently you wonder if it's gone, only to return with the smell of a familiar perfume or a song on the radio.

Modern grief research, including the work of George Bonanno and the Dual Process Model developed by Stroebe and Schut, paints a far more nuanced picture. Grief oscillates. We move between loss-orientation (focusing on the loss itself) and restoration-orientation (adapting to life without the person). Both are necessary. Neither is wrong.

If your grief doesn't look like the five stages, that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you're human. Your grief is as unique as your relationship with the person you lost — and it deserves to be witnessed on its own terms.

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Creative Healing

What Expressive Arts Therapy Can Do for Grief

5 min readAugust 20, 2026

Grief lives in the body before it lives in words. It's the tightness in the chest, the heaviness in the limbs, the way a room can feel both too full and completely empty at the same time.

This is why talk alone is sometimes not enough. Language is a remarkable tool — but it has limits. There are dimensions of grief that resist articulation, that exist in a pre-verbal, somatic space that words simply cannot reach.

Expressive arts therapy offers a different entry point. Through drawing, painting, collage, movement, music, and writing, we can access and process grief in ways that bypass the analytical mind and speak directly to the emotional and embodied self.

You don't need to be an artist. In fact, the less attached you are to the outcome, the more freely the process can work. The goal is never to create something beautiful — it's to create something honest.

Research supports what practitioners have long observed: creative expression can reduce grief-related anxiety, help with meaning-making, and provide a sense of agency in a process that can otherwise feel entirely out of our control. It gives grief somewhere to go.

Ready to take the next step?

If this resonated with you, I'd be honored to walk alongside you. A free 20-minute discovery call is always the first step.

Begin Your Journey

More from the blog

Understanding GriefUnderstanding the Five Stages — and Why They're Not the Whole StoryThe stages of grief were never meant to be a roadmap. Here's what the research actually says, and why your experience doesn't have to fit a model.Finding SupportFinding Language for LossOne of grief's cruelest gifts is the way it leaves us speechless. This piece explores how we begin to find words — and why it matters.Understanding GriefThe Grief Loop — and the Infinity Loop of LoveSometimes grief pulls us into a loop — replaying memories, circling the same pain. Here's a gentle reframe that might help you carry it differently.Understanding GriefThe Milestones We Never Expected Along Our Grief JourneyGrief changes us in ways we never anticipated. Along the way, we reach milestones of our own — quiet, unexpected markers of strength we never knew we had.

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Understanding Grief

The Grief Loop — and the Infinity Loop of Love

4 min readOctober 4, 2026

Sometimes a memory comes back that we haven't thought about since our loved one died.

It can happen in the quiet — in the middle of the night, when we're trying to sleep, or in those first moments after waking. Suddenly, we're there again.

And sometimes we get stuck. One memory becomes a loop. We replay it, question it, feel it, and before we realize it, we've slipped deeper into the darkness of our grief.

I've been there. I know how hard it can be to find your way back.

Especially after a sudden or traumatic loss, these moments can feel intense and overwhelming. Your mind and body are trying to make sense of something that may never make sense.

Sometimes we need to interrupt the loop. Get up. Move. Call someone. Write. Listen to music. Find something that brings us back to the present. Not because we're running from our grief — but because sometimes we need a pause.

And maybe we don't have to think of it as breaking the loop. Maybe we can create an infinity loop of love.

Because without love, there is no grief. The pain exists because the love was real.

We may never stop missing them. We may never stop having moments when grief jumps onto our back instead of simply walking beside us.

But little by little, day by day, we can learn to carry it differently. We can make room for the pain without allowing it to consume us. We can remember the loss while holding onto the love. We can keep moving forward without leaving them — or the love we shared — behind.

Ready to take the next step?

If this resonated with you, I'd be honored to walk alongside you. A free 20-minute discovery call is always the first step.

Begin Your Journey

More from the blog

Understanding GriefUnderstanding the Five Stages — and Why They're Not the Whole StoryThe stages of grief were never meant to be a roadmap. Here's what the research actually says, and why your experience doesn't have to fit a model.Creative HealingWhat Expressive Arts Therapy Can Do for GriefWhen words fall short, creativity opens a different door. Discover how art, movement, and writing can become unexpected allies in your healing.Finding SupportFinding Language for LossOne of grief's cruelest gifts is the way it leaves us speechless. This piece explores how we begin to find words — and why it matters.Understanding GriefThe Milestones We Never Expected Along Our Grief JourneyGrief changes us in ways we never anticipated. Along the way, we reach milestones of our own — quiet, unexpected markers of strength we never knew we had.

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Understanding Grief

The Milestones We Never Expected Along Our Grief Journey

7 min readOctober 12, 2026

When someone we love dies, we often think about all the milestones that will never happen. The birthdays they will never celebrate. The graduations, weddings, holidays, and family gatherings they will never attend. The moments we imagined sharing, the memories we expected to make, and the future we thought we would have together.

We grieve not only the person we have lost, but also the life we imagined continuing with them.

Yet, there is another kind of milestone that comes with grief. One that is rarely talked about. The milestones we discover within ourselves as we learn to live with loss.

Grief changes us. Trauma changes us. And somewhere along the way, we may find ourselves trying to get to know who we are again. The person we were before our loss may feel unfamiliar. Things that once seemed simple can become overwhelming. Places that once brought comfort may now bring sadness. Relationships, traditions, and even our understanding of ourselves can change.

We begin navigating a life we never expected to live. And along that path, often without realizing it, we begin reaching milestones of our own.

One of the unexpected milestones of grief is recognizing the boundaries we need to protect our emotional well-being. Perhaps we realize we are not ready to attend a particular gathering. Maybe certain conversations leave us feeling emotionally exhausted. We may discover that we need to step away from situations that others seem to move through with ease.

Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially when we worry about disappointing others or feel pressured to return to the person we were before our loss. But learning to recognize what we need, and giving ourselves permission to honor those needs, is an important milestone. It is not about shutting people out. It is about understanding ourselves in a life that has changed.

As we continue along our grief journey, we begin to recognize the times of year that affect us differently. Birthdays. Holidays. Anniversaries. Graduations. The day our loved one died. Sometimes the anticipation of these dates is more difficult than the day itself. We may feel the emotional weight building days or weeks beforehand without immediately understanding why.

Over time, we may begin to recognize these patterns. We learn which days require a little more patience with ourselves. Which traditions we want to continue, which ones we may need to change, and when we might need additional support. Recognizing these patterns does not mean we have mastered grief. It means we are learning to understand our own experience with it.

Not every milestone in grief is something we can mark on a calendar. Sometimes it is the first time we say no without feeling the need to explain ourselves. Sometimes it is asking for help when we would have once insisted we were fine. It may be returning to a place we have avoided, speaking our loved one's name without hesitation, or allowing ourselves to enjoy a moment without guilt.

And sometimes, a milestone is simply recognizing that we are having a difficult day and choosing to give ourselves grace instead of judgment. These moments may seem insignificant to someone looking in from the outside. But to the person living them, they can represent tremendous strength. Not because grief is becoming smaller, but because we are discovering more about how to carry it.

Even with all the understanding we gain along the way, grief can still surprise us. A song on the radio. A familiar smell. A photograph. A passing conversation. An ordinary moment that suddenly brings the weight of our loss rushing back. Sometimes there is no warning at all.

These moments do not erase the milestones we have reached. They do not mean we have gone backward or that the strength we have found has disappeared. They are reminders that grief is not linear, predictable, or something we simply finish experiencing. But perhaps the milestones we have reached can help us through these unexpected moments.

The milestones we reach in grief are not measurements of how well we are grieving. They are not proof that we are healing on schedule, becoming stronger every day, or moving further away from the person we have lost. There is no finish line we are working toward. Some days, the path forward may feel clear. Other days, we may struggle to find our footing. And that is part of the journey.

Moving forward does not have to mean moving on. It does not require us to leave our loved ones, our memories, or our grief behind. It means learning how to continue living while carrying all that love and loss with us. It means allowing ourselves to change, to grow, to struggle, and to discover who we are becoming.

We will always grieve the milestones our loved ones will miss. There will always be moments when we wish they were here to celebrate, to witness, or simply to share an ordinary day. But perhaps we can also begin to recognize the milestones we have reached because of the journey we never wanted to take.

These milestones do not make our loss worthwhile. They do not take away the pain or make what happened any easier to accept. They are simply part of the story of who we are becoming while carrying the love and grief that remain. We can acknowledge how far we have come while still wishing we had never needed to walk this path.

We do not have to choose between honoring our grief and recognizing our own growth. There is room for both. Because the path forward is not about forgetting what we have lost. It is about learning to carry what remains, one unexpected milestone at a time.

Ready to take the next step?

If this resonated with you, I'd be honored to walk alongside you. A free 20-minute discovery call is always the first step.

Begin Your Journey

More from the blog

Understanding GriefUnderstanding the Five Stages — and Why They're Not the Whole StoryThe stages of grief were never meant to be a roadmap. Here's what the research actually says, and why your experience doesn't have to fit a model.Creative HealingWhat Expressive Arts Therapy Can Do for GriefWhen words fall short, creativity opens a different door. Discover how art, movement, and writing can become unexpected allies in your healing.Finding SupportFinding Language for LossOne of grief's cruelest gifts is the way it leaves us speechless. This piece explores how we begin to find words — and why it matters.Understanding GriefThe Grief Loop — and the Infinity Loop of LoveSometimes grief pulls us into a loop — replaying memories, circling the same pain. Here's a gentle reframe that might help you carry it differently.